I am 26 years old and study civil engineering. My therapist and people who stutter (PWS) say that my story is a bit unusual, since I’ve started to stutter at age 18. No stressful situation occurred at the onset of my stuttering. If this was the case, I’m sure I would remember, because it was only a few years ago. I’m sure that I have never stuttered as child. I have an older sister who stutters, and my whole family and our close friends know the differences between fluent and stuttered speech.
My story as a PWS starts when I was 18, attending 10th grade. I started to notice some difficulties when I had to say words starting with /r/. I would have to stop for a moment, before I would be able to say the word. At the beginning no one else noticed my difficulties, but I was very much confused. As time passed by, I talked worse and worse. Words starting with /r/ were not as much of a problem any more, but words starting with other syllables started to be a problem. My speech was still fluent most of the time, but after some 6 months people started to notice my problem. At this time, they thought that I’m kidding, but I couldn’t explain to them that I wasn’t jocking. Others asked me if I started to stutter, but I didn’t feel I was stuttering, since it wasn’t the same as other people who stutter whom I know. I felt angry at myself for having a problem that I have never had before, and I was already grown-up. That’s when I started to talk very bad and feel very bad about it.
Heavy stuttering started some 2 years after the onset, at the time when I started university. In addition to my disfluencies, I had repetitions, blocks, voice prolongations and facial muscles spasms (grimaces), as well as spasms of muscles all over body - I would move my arms as a orchestra conductor, kick my feet on the floor, and so on. That is when I started to intentionally use synonyms in order to avoid difficult words and I started to avoid almost all speech situations that I possibly could. It frustrated me a lot. Interestingly for me, at the beginning of a hard stuttering period, I didn’t stutter when speaking under influence of alcohol, nor when I spoke in English, a language that I have never knew perfectly.
For three years I couldn’t find a clinic or therapist, because people told me that no one works with PWS older than 18. In July 2003, I found out an Institute in Belgrade that works with adult PWS too. I immediately started a treatment with an experienced therapist. The first few treatments felt a bit silly, but soon I realised that if I want to improve my speech I will have to adapt to the treatment requirements. After only 6 months I have achieved big improvement, and I was extremely happy. Therapy consisted of individual and group treatment and included direct fluency shaping techniques with a lot of psychological counseling and some elements of cognitive-behavioural therapy. Therapy required a lot of work by myself, and for the first three months I was doing fluency techniques excercises 2h/day, 6days/week. I was attending ambulance treatment twice per week. Soon, I started to feel more self confidence and I could control my speech even in some everyday situations. I stopped to avoid speech situations. Stuttering was still there, but in smaller extent than before. I practiced direct techniques less than before, but used it in everyday speech situations more and more. In July 2004 I underwent intensive 14-days group stationary treatment led by my therapist. Not much I achieved in fluency, because I already spoke fluently most of the time; I felt a lot more self confident and free from fear of speaking in all situations. Afterwards, bad periods with more disfluent speech occurred only during very stressful situations, such as exams on faculty. Those ‘bad’ periods were characterised by low level of stuttering. Today, I still have some disfluences (light blocks), but I don’t pay attention to them and don’t find them disturbing to me. Since my intensive course, I stopped going to treatments. I continue working on improving myself as a person and a speaker. I occasionally attend self-help group and have participated in a live TV show talking about me and stuttering in general. After that show, I received many calls and messages from my friends and colleagues teasing me that I am a fake member of self-help group since I spoke fantastically.
I consider myself lucky not to have started stuttering early in childhood. I speculate that this absence of bad and cruel experiences connected with stuttering during childhood and growing-up actually contributed in great extent that I solve my problem with stuttering in such short time. On the other hand, I think I would never achieve this good results if I haven’t continuously practiced and followed therapy tasks and demands.
When I started with the treatment, my therapist asked me what I would consider as my goal in this therapy. My answer was “I would consider myself ‘cured’ if I were able to say anything that I want to, at any time in every situation”. Today, I can say that I reached this goal.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Starting to stutter at 18
I want to share with you the story of someone who started stuttering at age 18! It is a very unusual case which might tell us about stuttering itself.
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6 comments:
It would be good that he can record a video in YouTube for that we can verify his recuperation, and also that he show us those such techniques of fluency that his therapist taught.
That is interesting. I too had late onset stuttering. My junior year of college. Mine was shortly after a traumatic event. That may just be coincidental. It's been 6 years. My stuttering has progressively worsened. I just graduated. Started my first job. Take the bar in two weeks. I'm worried about the time when I actually have to go into court. Alcohol relieves my disfluencies as well. Which is why I have followed Pagoclone closely. To this point I have really considered medication. After reading this I will definately give therapy a good look. Although I do expect to have the same troubles you did finding a therapist. Do therapists even work outside the traditional 9-5? I have my doubts. I certainly don't have the time you did to commit to counseling. Thank you for sharing. I feel a bit empowered.
Oliver: I have spoken to him personally. The techniques are relatively standard techniques used in Van Ripper and fluency shaping. NO magic weapon.
Anonymous: Would you be willing to write a similar first-person report for my blog? It will of course by anonymous. Good luck with your bar exam!! My email is tom dot weidig at gmail dot com.
Bar Taker (Oliver is it?):
Don't sweat the "first appearance." I have PDS and have been an attorney since 1993. Trial judges will clearly ask you about it, but they will also remember your name which, trust me, is good. Best bet is to just focus on the Bar and push forward in career. First few years can be tough in terms of finding the right direction so hang in there. Enough advice. Good luck with the Multistate.
Tom. I would be happy to pass along my story. In two weeks of course. I promise it will not be as laden with grammatical mistakes as my last comment. Expect to hear from me in the not so distant future. To the anonymous encourager. Thanks. It's nice to know others have succeeded in the arena I deeply fear.
To anonymous: You write "Do therapists even work outside the traditional 9-5? "
In my experience, the answer is yes, but generally they prefer to work during the 10-6 period, and may have only a few hours outside that time. I had a therapist for awhile that I saw on Sunday morning. He was a New Yorker, orthhodox Jewish with a big Jewish practice, and maybe that's why.
It probably also depends on where you live. The more choices you have, the more likely you'll be to find someone with hours that are convenient for you.
By the way, you should be looking for someone with a specialty in fluency disorders (which primarily means stuttering).
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